Five days and counting. I’ve had some trouble sleeping. My shoulders are all hunched. I’ve had a few beers (not right now, obviously…). I have diagnosed myself with a little anticipatory anxiety as I await to welcome Ace into her new home this Saturday.
To help alleviate my anxiety that I will be a terrible puppy mother and will ruin her before she even has a chance, I went to a free puppy information class at the SF SPCA. I’m proud that Ace will get her medical treatment at such a fine facility that does so much for San Francisco’s littlest helpless creatures (although, ACC has a rooster, so there!). In class, the dog trainer stressed the importance of socializing puppies during the critical developmental period of 8 to 12 weeks. Because puppies at that age have not had all their vaccinations, he suggested an ingenious method he had used with his own dog: get a papoose — well, really, it’s called a sling — and strap the puppy to your chest. Keep her off the ground, but show her the world she will come to inhabit, rewarding her all the while with tasty treats and encouragement.
For your amusement, expect a photo of me wearing the papoose/sling, if I can in fact coax Ace into it somehow.
Places we will go all-a-papoosed:
1. BART (but not when there’s an asinine “protest”)
2. The 14-Mission MUNI bus (the most loathed bus in all of SF, which says a whole lot)
3. The outpatient pharmacy line at SF General (the Seventh Circle of Hell)
4. The den of crackheads/alcoholics outside our front door
5. A low-brow bar, such as Pop’s
6. Some kind of outdoor eating situation so she will learn not to guard food, thereby preventing me from ever eating out with her again and effectively ruining my social life
Any other suggestions??
Also, it was recommended that I throw as many “dinner parties” as possible during the next month so that she can get used to being ogled and molested by my friends and lovers. Email me and we can hang out, though I probably won’t make you dinner unless El Jefe has already cooked something and it is in our fridge.