One year ago today, Jefe and I made the trek out to the Central Valley to meet our girl and bring her home. I was so very nervous: Could I care for this little being? I wish I could say that I am now thoroughly convinced of my abilities, and truly, I mostly am. But I still have my moments, like today during our walk when I caught myself thinking we should be working on training new commands more often, and were her daily walks with Rachel enough, and should I be worried about environmental toxins more than I already am… It’s a black hole, a revolving door, questions without answers.
Just like that very special day, one year ago, when I first spotted her, being carried out of a pen of puppies, her little ears floppy, her eyes bright and searching, today I looked into my little girl’s face, and was distracted from my worries. I was, and am, absorbed in her earthly perfection, her present-focus, her lips and eyes and spotted head. Whatever I’ve done, it is enough, and whatever I am required to do in the future, well, that will be enough, too. As long as I am still arrested by the mere sight of her, from that time in the morning when I wake up and find her pressed up against me, to the time I rest my head against the pillow we share (we really do), then how could I not be moved to do what is right by her? What room is there for anxiety and doubt when we are both right here, and right here is magical?
I am so thankful for all the people who help me give Ace the best of everything every day. I am so thankful I can put my fears aside and have her next to me no matter the challenges and heartache that will invariable find us. I have not always been so brave.